There are so many reasons you’re not doing the thing.

I’m not even going to list them. You know what they are. They make sense in your head. You may even get people to agree with you and nod as you list them.

As a person who helps people achieve their health and fitness goals, I’ve heard them all. I have even used some of them as my own reasons for not doing the thing. But here’s what I’ve seen.

For every single one of those reasons, I’ve seen a person grab that same reason by the throat, own it for what it was, and find a way to overcome it.

As long as you let that reason stop you, it’s an excuse that you are avoiding finding a solution to. When you really want something, it doesn’t matter how little time or money you have, or how many kids or jobs you’re juggling…

You find a way.

I’ve been amazed and challenged at what people can do when they simply decide to. Nothing really changed in their circumstance. It was their perspective that changed, that in turn changed their approach, which in turn changed their ability level.

Their reason to not do the thing simply turned into a minor challenge that demanded a solution. Even more, I swear it turned into a REASON to do the thing they once claimed impossible. They had come to a place where it wouldn’t have mattered how many roadblocks were in their way or how much negativity they received…

They did the thing.

And they were unstoppable.

When I think of the things I have struggled with, I notice something. There are times when I seem to do better for a while- maybe even have a level of success- But then there’s a period of coasting, then a gradual decline, before finally finding myself back where I started.

This can occur in any area- trying to stick to a home school schedule, keep up with house cleaning, wake up early, go to bed early, read every day… It doesn’t matter so much what the area of struggle is in- In each there is the propensity to see a roller coaster motion up and down between finding a measure of success to seeing that success vanish.

Why is this?

I’ve come to notice that when I have come to the tipping point or feel the threat of failure, THAT is when I am motivated to really push for change. I go hard for a while and really drive myself to do better, and soon it IS better. I feel good about that and you know what happens next? I stop going hard. I stop pushing myself. I coast a little.

Nothing really changes at first…. Or at least it doesn’t seem to change. But you can only keep moving forward by coasting for so long before you begin to slow down, then stop. And if you hadn’t made it to the top of hill, you then start drift backwards.

Maybe you’ve heard it said that we’ll do what we know we need to do when the pain of remaining the same is worse than the pain it takes to change. That’s true, but then when we do those things for a while and the pain subsides a bit, we no longer feel the urge to keep doing those things we know we still need to do.

But what if we consciously chose not to let pain be our only motivation? What if we didn’t allow a little success to give us a false sense of security?

The thing that’s usually missing in any push to get better is long-term consistency. Instead of being so relieved I’m not so close to failure than I was that I stop the forward momentum, I need to recognize my success by continuing the effort and changes that brought me to that point! 

This fits perfectly with most people’s efforts in health and fitness.  What if instead of only pushing at the beginning when its new and exciting, then letting up when we feel like we’ve accomplished a little and the pressure is off, then getting lazy… ‘Til we drift towards failure again and repeat the whole process… What if we get off the roller coaster and get on the consistency train instead!

A straightforward, doable nutrition plan with manageable workouts that are easy to fit into my day has made this a lifestyle for me now. I found the easiest way to remain consistent was through seeking support, accountability, motivation through a personal coach and a team of people who were on a similar journey as me.

It’s so simple and yet so profound. Daily steps in the right direction, no matter what. Being consistent, day in and day out. Celebrating the small successes while continuing to push and reach for more.

I remember when I would lie to myself all the time. 

While I was unhappy with how I felt and looked, I would say I didn’t need to watch what I ate. I would tell myself that being concerned about my weight was simply society’s expectations being imposed on me. I quieted my conscience about going days without exercise by saying I was far too busy. Further, I valued my freedom too much to be a slave to the scale, a nutrition guide or *gasp* a workout schedule, okay? Right? Right??? 

Um, no. There came a time I had to face the facts. I wasn’t healthy, but also, it wasn’t because I was free or a rebel. And it certainly had nothing to do with how busy I was. I had to admit it was fear that was holding me back.

I was not healthy, and I had to admit that the reason I was not healthy was because I was lazy. I didn’t want it bad enough. I wasn’t ready. All of those things.  But mostly? Deep down I knew I was afraid. What if I tried and couldn’t do it? What if I kept failing? 

Once I admitted that, I could truly tackle each fear and own it. Yes, I DID need to watch what I ate. Everyone needs to. So? It’s not weakness, its strength. So what if people fat shame? They also skinny shame. People are shamed for everything, from the music they like to the clothes they wear. It’s hip to shame hipsters and man buns now. 

And its not just about fat shaming, because people are also shamed for passing up dessert, not going out for beers and for working out. So? 

None of those things give me an excuse. What I choose to do or not do is on ME. I could either do what I know I needed to do to obtain health, or I could blame; blame my age, blame society or whatever I was struggling with at the moment. Once I let go of the fear and the blame, I finally saw WHY I really wanted to eat right and exercise consistently. I wanted HEALTH.  I wanted my kids to see me walk the talk. I wanted to be able to run, play and have the energy to tackle the day with them. I wanted to look forward to aging gracefully and being an active grandmother.

Heck, I just wanted to feel good in my own clothes! 

I don’t listen to the lies now.  I’m not driven by fear. I eat well, I exercise regularly and I live life to the fullest. 

And you know what? I’m healthier now than I was in my twenties.

This meme is cute, and the first time I saw it I chuckled a little.

It also annoys me.  So very, very much.

It perpetuates this idea that life is either one or the other extreme: You either get to have dessert or you never do. That happiness is only about eating. That people who are trying to become more fit never have ice cream (or cake or french fries) and therefore they are miserable.

It makes sense. Those who eat processed or fast food most of the time and do not exercise regularly ARE far more likely to suddenly do an extreme cleanse or a starvation diet. We are super gung-ho about losing weight and getting healthier…. For about 2 weeks or so.  Then it’s done and we’re back to how they ate before. Or worse, our diet is even more unhealthy due to feelings of failure and disappointment, and we are even more inclined to disdain any attempt at becoming more fit.

This all or nothing kind of perception about food and health is not sustainable. It’s not reality. And it’s not healthy.

Yes, people who are exercising and eating with summer in mind do eat ice cream.

Yes, people who are exercising and eating with summer in mind do eat pizza.

Yes, people who are exercising and eating with summer in mind do love biting into a light, fluffy cupcake piled with creamy frosting.

Just… not every day. Not even every week.

See, if I’ve learned anything its that health is not a destination. It is an ongoing series of daily choices that add up to a lifestyle. Yes, health is a journey.

I can find a reason every day to have a treat. I can find an excuse every day, make that several times a day, to indulge.  But I also have a reason to choose something different. I also have a purpose behind deciding something better.  I know why I look those “treats” in the eye and say now with a smile; I deserve so much more.

I guarantee you I enjoy my pizza, cake or whiskey far more now than when I had them several times a week. It’s not about avoiding all pleasure and treats… It’s about intentionally postponing it for even greater enjoyment later- without having to come up with excuses, without searching for reasons to make myself feel better about it and without feeling guilty later. And, dang, it sure tastes better that way.

There’s power in choosing to ignore the constant call of instant gratification for a far more rewarding occasional enjoyment.

We all need people in our life who love us just how we are. You know, the friends that know our bad habits and accept us anyway.

There’s a fine line, however, between choosing to overlook a friend’s shortcomings and coming to depend on them. It’s when negative tendencies are no longer quirks that are ignored out of love, but behavior that is encouraged.

But why would we do that? Why would our friend do that? Well, there are many reasons. When those close to us change, it naturally causes us to feel defensive about our own need to change- even if they don’t expect it. It could be we are suspicious of anything that might come between us, so we make sure everything (and everyone) stays the same. Or it could just be out of fear that they won’t need us anymore. If we’re honest, we not only have a friend or two that fit into the following categories, we likely see ourselves in a couple of them, too. There’s a saying about our lives being a reflection of the 5 people we are with the most, so if we’re consistently feeling stuck, depressed, anxious or negative, it’s only wise to examine our relationships for some less than helpful friendships. 

The You Deserve It Friend This friend is only looking out for your best interests. She encourages dessert, even though she knows you are really trying to cut out sugar. She insists you go shopping with her and tries to talk you into several purchases, even though she knows you are trying to stick to a budget. She’ll try to set you up with the waiter, even though you are in a committed relationship. Because you deserve all of the things, right?If you regularly feel like you have to explain (and re-explain) the positive changes you’re trying to make, end up feeling defensive and apologizing for them, then ultimately cave under her pressure, she’s probably a classic You Deserve It Friend. 

The Don’t Do It Friend. There’s a friend very closely related to You Deserve It. She is really supportive and loves to encourage us… Until its about something that we’re trying to improve in our life. Suddenly she gets really quiet or even withdrawn whenever you are doing anything to better yourself. She’ll talk about a pointless Netflix series all night, but button up when you begin to share a personal development book you’re reading. She’ll start playing on her phone when you bring up the workout class you just started, then roll her eyes when your mutual friend orders a salad instead of pasta.If you hesitate to tell her about areas you’re attempting to grow in or find yourself trying to hide the fact you’re doing something positive for yourself, she just may be a Don’t Do It. 

The You’re The Only One Who Understands Friend This friend is very appreciative of your listening ear. always has a story (or ten) of how she has recently been misunderstood or mistreated. The universe always seems to be against her in some way. If things in her life aren’t so bad at the moment, her next favorite stories are of other peoples’ failures. Commiserate and mockery are the themes. She feels safe opening up to you, after all. You get it.If every hang out time ends up as an exhaustive venting session, or you’ve ever wondered what she says about you when you’re not around, she’s likely a You’re The Only One Who Understands. 

The Be Careful Friend. Your safety and happiness are at the top of this friend’s list. Any risk- from your dream to travel internationally to choosing a bangin’ hot green dress instead of classic black- is met with great caution. She’ll want to go through all of the bad things that might happen, the possible consequences and ways it just may ruin your life. She’ll have horrible stories of this thing that happened to her cousin’s best friend’s college roommate to back up her concerns.If you regularly get talked out of new and different things you were considering, she’s probably a Be Careful. 

Do you see any of your friends here? Do you see YOURSELF here?